I want to face reality
But what is reality?
My reality is mine
And your reality is yours.
I dream
Therefore I'm alive
Am I?
I'm dead - hope not yet.
In the midst of faces
I see mine
And yours
Together, but not.
Happiness is what?
If purpose is what I have
Meaning is trivial
If you're not by my side.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
One..Two..or Three - That's all I Need!
Life can be complicated but it doesn't have to. One aspect of life that can be simplified are friends. When we are young, it seems that having lots of friends are the most important thing in this world. We don't want to be alone. We want to be belonged. The more friends, the better.
I remember when I was young - around 13 to 16 - I was what you can call a nerdy one. My hair was long and braided most of the time. My dresses and outfilts are mostly custom-made by either our mom or my aunt, usually frilly and girly. I had my first blue jeans at 17. Wow! For appearances, I was a well-adjusted, obedient and studious teenager. I was well-liked and had a lot of friends. But I've always felt like I have to please most of them so they'll be my friends. My parents were so strict and very conservative and I was so envious that my friends can hang out and go places. I had to lie to my mother just so I can hang out with them in an ice cream parlor, or watch a movie, or even just browse at the bookstore. I didn't have extra money either for other stuff. I just had enough money for the jeepney fare. My mom made sure I had plenty of food for lunch. While my friends hung out at McDonald's, I hung out at an empty classroom to eat. Deep inside I was jealous. Jealous of the freedom my friends have. Jealous of the lifestyle they enjoyed. But for some reason, despite of my "nerdiness", I had lots of friends. I had glamorous friends as well. And life was not too bad. I felt - I belonged.
But over the years, my so called friends slowly faded away. Life got too hectic, I realized. Too hectic for them to call me first..to visit me this time..to send hellos. Friends came and went. They all got so busy with their own lives until I became with mine.
Then I realized why for some "reasons", I had lots of friends back then --- because, I always aimed to please them. It's all about them!
Now, I have a totally different definition of a word FRIEND. A friend to me should feel the same way that I do. I remember them and they remember me. They call me and I call them. They ask what I want, then I do the same. I visit them when they visit me as well. It takes both sides to build a relationship, especially a friendship. Everyone that desires true friendship should make a true effort to stay friends with that other person or persons. Otherwise, there is no friendship, just mere acquaintances. True friends doesn't judge... doesn't make you wonder how they are.
True friends, however, make you feel you're also important and always a part of their lives. They make sure you feel belong...and do everything to let you know that however busy they are in their lives, you are an integral part of it.
Took me along time and a lot of heartaches before I figured this one out. I have always wondered, what have I done wrong? Why she never return my calls or reply to my messages? Why am I always doing the visiting? Then I knew, it wasn't me. It was them. And it was their loss, not mine.
Now, I'm older and wiser and I know better. I don't need tons of friends to make my life fulfilled. One.. two.. or three - that's all I need. But they have to need me as well.
Now, acquaintances, on the other hand, I could use tons... :)
I remember when I was young - around 13 to 16 - I was what you can call a nerdy one. My hair was long and braided most of the time. My dresses and outfilts are mostly custom-made by either our mom or my aunt, usually frilly and girly. I had my first blue jeans at 17. Wow! For appearances, I was a well-adjusted, obedient and studious teenager. I was well-liked and had a lot of friends. But I've always felt like I have to please most of them so they'll be my friends. My parents were so strict and very conservative and I was so envious that my friends can hang out and go places. I had to lie to my mother just so I can hang out with them in an ice cream parlor, or watch a movie, or even just browse at the bookstore. I didn't have extra money either for other stuff. I just had enough money for the jeepney fare. My mom made sure I had plenty of food for lunch. While my friends hung out at McDonald's, I hung out at an empty classroom to eat. Deep inside I was jealous. Jealous of the freedom my friends have. Jealous of the lifestyle they enjoyed. But for some reason, despite of my "nerdiness", I had lots of friends. I had glamorous friends as well. And life was not too bad. I felt - I belonged.
But over the years, my so called friends slowly faded away. Life got too hectic, I realized. Too hectic for them to call me first..to visit me this time..to send hellos. Friends came and went. They all got so busy with their own lives until I became with mine.
Then I realized why for some "reasons", I had lots of friends back then --- because, I always aimed to please them. It's all about them!
Now, I have a totally different definition of a word FRIEND. A friend to me should feel the same way that I do. I remember them and they remember me. They call me and I call them. They ask what I want, then I do the same. I visit them when they visit me as well. It takes both sides to build a relationship, especially a friendship. Everyone that desires true friendship should make a true effort to stay friends with that other person or persons. Otherwise, there is no friendship, just mere acquaintances. True friends doesn't judge... doesn't make you wonder how they are.
True friends, however, make you feel you're also important and always a part of their lives. They make sure you feel belong...and do everything to let you know that however busy they are in their lives, you are an integral part of it.
Took me along time and a lot of heartaches before I figured this one out. I have always wondered, what have I done wrong? Why she never return my calls or reply to my messages? Why am I always doing the visiting? Then I knew, it wasn't me. It was them. And it was their loss, not mine.
Now, I'm older and wiser and I know better. I don't need tons of friends to make my life fulfilled. One.. two.. or three - that's all I need. But they have to need me as well.
Now, acquaintances, on the other hand, I could use tons... :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
PLACERVILLE, CA - A Little Bit of History
I spent my Valentine's Day with my sister Mirasol, her husband Rei and their son, Odie. Instead of usual dining out, we decided to drive around the beautiful countryside of Placerville, CA. It is full of historical facts and beautiful sceneries as well. We ended up driving in its winding roads with steep ravine on the side. Drove through the ancient Coloma Bridge. Stopped at the historical Sutter's Mills. And just thoroughly enjoyed the bearable cold and beautiful day.
Placerville is a charming California "gold rush" town named after the placer gold deposits found in its’ river beds and hills in the late 1840’s. The City of Placerville is centrally located between Sacramento, the State capitol, and South Lake Tahoe, world- famous recreation center.
The history of Placerville began with the "rush for gold" to California in the 1840’s. The highly publicized discovery of gold in the tailrace section at Sutter’s Mill in Coloma (only 10 miles from Placerville) in 1848 resulted in the migration of thousands of fortune-seekers to Northern California in the mid 1800’s. The town of Placerville was named after the placer deposits found in the river bed between Spanish Ravine and the town plaza. During the gold rush, Placerville became an important supply center for the surrounding mining camps.
For more info, click:
http://www.placerville-downtown.org/history.html
Placerville is a charming California "gold rush" town named after the placer gold deposits found in its’ river beds and hills in the late 1840’s. The City of Placerville is centrally located between Sacramento, the State capitol, and South Lake Tahoe, world- famous recreation center.
The history of Placerville began with the "rush for gold" to California in the 1840’s. The highly publicized discovery of gold in the tailrace section at Sutter’s Mill in Coloma (only 10 miles from Placerville) in 1848 resulted in the migration of thousands of fortune-seekers to Northern California in the mid 1800’s. The town of Placerville was named after the placer deposits found in the river bed between Spanish Ravine and the town plaza. During the gold rush, Placerville became an important supply center for the surrounding mining camps.
For more info, click:
http://www.placerville-downtown.org/history.html
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
"Welcome back, Rose!"
It's been really cold here in California and I was told not just here in Northern Cal but even in Southern, around LA area is the same thing. We need the rain here as the rivers' and streams' water level are so low. So it's good that it's raining so there'll be plenty of water come summertime for the crops and water activities. But this kind of weather is not helping me at all. I have SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder - meaning I get depressed when the weather is like this - rainy, very cold (40F), gloomy and dark. It's cool to be able to wear nice jackets, hat, boots and all these fashion accessories - but only for picture taking and such, not for everyday's statement ;) . I'm really an island girl at heart. I love shorts, shirt, tank tops and slippers.
So, anyway, I had to get out of the house today to look for an apartment. I'm starting to work on March 2 and I want to get settled before then. I'm currently living with my sister and her family but my son Bryan wants to move out from his friends' casa and asked me maybe we could live together. Sure, let's try it, I said. Bonding time...
So, there I was today, driving in freezing rain, dark skies and more rain threatening to pour down. I just felt so alone and lonely. And I started questioning myself for reasons why I came back here in Cali. I have a nice place and comfortable living arrangement back in the Philippines. Got some great friends and most of all, not cold like today. On and on and on...Just whining and complaining and just downright depressed. I hate it when that happpens. I'm supposed to be happy and thankful. I got a job and everyone's healthy, what else do I want?
Then I went in FedEx office to fax a paperwork to my Director. WIth a sad face and a sad demeanor, I approached a lady in the counter. Then she gave me this biggest smile and blurted out my name - "Rose, it's you!" And her face was full of gladness to see me. For the life of me, I couldn't not remember her name. Good thing she was wearing a name tag. I said, "Beth! How do you remember my name? It's been many years?" Now, I remember her, but she was just one of those people I meet anywhere and talk to. And she said the sweetest thing to me. "How could I forget your name? Your name is you." We exchanged some stories and told her I've been in the Philippines for the past year. "Has it been that long?", she asked. She told me I still look great and haven't changed. Wow! I didn't realize I am that memorable...and that, I still look good :)
But I tell you, those simple words and gestures uplifted my spirit. Suddenly, the bad weather doesn't matter anymore. I remembered the way I used to, the usual way that I am - friendly & smiley to everyone I meet. Before I left the store I made sure I said goodbye to Beth and she said "Welcome back, Rose. See you around."
Sweet words to me..welcoming..made me feel I belong again. I need those words to keep me going here...at least for now!
So, anyway, I had to get out of the house today to look for an apartment. I'm starting to work on March 2 and I want to get settled before then. I'm currently living with my sister and her family but my son Bryan wants to move out from his friends' casa and asked me maybe we could live together. Sure, let's try it, I said. Bonding time...
So, there I was today, driving in freezing rain, dark skies and more rain threatening to pour down. I just felt so alone and lonely. And I started questioning myself for reasons why I came back here in Cali. I have a nice place and comfortable living arrangement back in the Philippines. Got some great friends and most of all, not cold like today. On and on and on...Just whining and complaining and just downright depressed. I hate it when that happpens. I'm supposed to be happy and thankful. I got a job and everyone's healthy, what else do I want?
Then I went in FedEx office to fax a paperwork to my Director. WIth a sad face and a sad demeanor, I approached a lady in the counter. Then she gave me this biggest smile and blurted out my name - "Rose, it's you!" And her face was full of gladness to see me. For the life of me, I couldn't not remember her name. Good thing she was wearing a name tag. I said, "Beth! How do you remember my name? It's been many years?" Now, I remember her, but she was just one of those people I meet anywhere and talk to. And she said the sweetest thing to me. "How could I forget your name? Your name is you." We exchanged some stories and told her I've been in the Philippines for the past year. "Has it been that long?", she asked. She told me I still look great and haven't changed. Wow! I didn't realize I am that memorable...and that, I still look good :)
But I tell you, those simple words and gestures uplifted my spirit. Suddenly, the bad weather doesn't matter anymore. I remembered the way I used to, the usual way that I am - friendly & smiley to everyone I meet. Before I left the store I made sure I said goodbye to Beth and she said "Welcome back, Rose. See you around."
Sweet words to me..welcoming..made me feel I belong again. I need those words to keep me going here...at least for now!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
IN SEARCH OF ME
I'm one of those. Those who moved around..a lot!
I moved to USA when I was 23. And for the next 19 years years, I moved for a total of 11 times. I can't seem to find a perfect place for me. I had a relationship before I got married the first time. That relationship produced a son. That was it. Now, I'm 43 and regretting that I didn't insist on having another one. I was married the first time at 23. My then husband didn't want any more children. He had a daughter from the previous marriage. So I raised both. That marriage lasted 9 years. I'm on my second marriage, a failing one at that. After 8 years this time, I feel it's over. No blame game this time. It just sort of fell apart. Or maybe I did. It doesn't matter now. I have accepted somehow that I don't really belong to anyone. Heck, I don't even belong to me.
What is it that I'm searching for? I don't even know. I just found out my purpose in life lately, though - that is to help my fellowmen. I have even realized how I'm going to do that. But until I'm there, I can't really tell myself I've arrived. I have to focus really hard so as not to lose myself again. I didn't even know I was lost until lately. So, that's good news.
These realizations are what keep me sane these days. It's much easier to just let go but I know I must go on - loving myself this time. For it is in loving myself that I may be able to love others. It is in giving me first, in order to give to others. I have to be healed first, to have the strength to heal people.
I have to forget what I'm searching for. Instead, I'll let fate find me...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The (Dangerous) Notion of a Soul Mate??
Is there such a thing as soulmate? If there is, then how many soulmates do we have? Or maybe just one? Are there any different kind of soulmates? Do we ever find our soulmates? Would we realize if the person with us is our soul mate? What if we never find our soulmate? How long does one have to wait?
These are the questions that my friends and I discussed a lot of times. I usually talk about it like I'm the expert because no one else would have the guts to even pretend they know the answer. Yes, I do pretend like I know the answer. Simply because I truly believe and hope for the existence of a soulmate.
I believe there are so many kinds of soulmates. It can be a family member, friend, lover, or mentor. Those are the people that we have a deep connection, usually very intense, that defies logic. A connection so strong that we can say "You are the most remarkable person I have ever met in my life."
The feeling is so beautiful and so sweet and so lasting. But maybe, only if the other person feels the same way. I believe in order for the other person to be your soulmate, that person should feel the same intensity and recognize it as well. That's where the problem lies.
It can be a dangerous notion as well because most of us know it is not grounded for real life. And what is real? And what is not? Very subjective, isn't it?
These are the questions that my friends and I discussed a lot of times. I usually talk about it like I'm the expert because no one else would have the guts to even pretend they know the answer. Yes, I do pretend like I know the answer. Simply because I truly believe and hope for the existence of a soulmate.
I believe there are so many kinds of soulmates. It can be a family member, friend, lover, or mentor. Those are the people that we have a deep connection, usually very intense, that defies logic. A connection so strong that we can say "You are the most remarkable person I have ever met in my life."
The feeling is so beautiful and so sweet and so lasting. But maybe, only if the other person feels the same way. I believe in order for the other person to be your soulmate, that person should feel the same intensity and recognize it as well. That's where the problem lies.
It can be a dangerous notion as well because most of us know it is not grounded for real life. And what is real? And what is not? Very subjective, isn't it?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
THE REASON WHY HE DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER
I had a deep conversation with one of my good friends and it turned to the subject of sex. She used to go out with this guy for quite a few months but they never slept together and not even a hint of intimacy whatsoever. She used to call me and asked what do I think about that. I knew the guy, in fact, I hooked them up. At that time, I thought I knew the guy well. He's a part of our extended family. He is divorced and I've met his ex-gf and so he couldn't be gay. And why do we think of that reason everytime someone doesn't do the deed, is beyond me. I'm guilty of that notion as well. Anyway, I offered a lame possible reason to my friend - maybe he's not ready. But in the back of my mind I'm asking, "ready for what?" I couldn't be straight with my friend of what I truly thought of the situation. He's not just into her, that's what I had in mind. I should have just blurted it out.
Well, they're not together anymore. Rightfully so. I found out the real reason. I had a chance to talk to the guy. The guy is a total loser, user and just plain jerk. He never really liked my friend, he told me. I was flabbergasted because as far as I know they were thinking of getting married. My friend who happens to have more resources, showered him with everything he needed and wanted - things, travels, etc. He didn't have to accept them. He should have just said straight to her face that he's not into her. But he lead her on. It turned out that the guy is a player with three girlfriends at the same time. All the girlfriends are economically better than him. No wonder I can never understand what does he do for a living. He is an entrepreneur according to him. Indeed!
Okay, so he never really liked my friend. Whatever that means. At least, give her some loving, for goodness sake! He should have at least given my friend a good time. Am I wrong?
Now, my poor friend is suffering from a really bad self-esteem. Lamenting nobody wants her, she's not pretty enough, etc, etc, etc...Poor girl! And I thought she moved on already. Until the other night we were together. She asked me the same question - how come the guy never made any sexual move with her. This time, I gave it to her. According to this guy, she was not his type, he specifically told me she's too dark for his taste and that he prefers fair skinned ladies. There! That's what I told her.
Now, isn't that just awful? His reason and the fact that I spelled it out to her? I should have just kept my mouth shut. I was hurt as much as she was. I'm not fair skinned either, you see. What I should have said to this guy is to f*** off and get lost.
I don't know why we women, have to depend on what guys think about us to make us feel better with ourselves. Stop it!. Just be yourself! We are not supposed to be chosen and picked. We have to do the picking. We have the power to get what, who, when and where we want. Period. On our own terms.
Well, they're not together anymore. Rightfully so. I found out the real reason. I had a chance to talk to the guy. The guy is a total loser, user and just plain jerk. He never really liked my friend, he told me. I was flabbergasted because as far as I know they were thinking of getting married. My friend who happens to have more resources, showered him with everything he needed and wanted - things, travels, etc. He didn't have to accept them. He should have just said straight to her face that he's not into her. But he lead her on. It turned out that the guy is a player with three girlfriends at the same time. All the girlfriends are economically better than him. No wonder I can never understand what does he do for a living. He is an entrepreneur according to him. Indeed!
Okay, so he never really liked my friend. Whatever that means. At least, give her some loving, for goodness sake! He should have at least given my friend a good time. Am I wrong?
Now, my poor friend is suffering from a really bad self-esteem. Lamenting nobody wants her, she's not pretty enough, etc, etc, etc...Poor girl! And I thought she moved on already. Until the other night we were together. She asked me the same question - how come the guy never made any sexual move with her. This time, I gave it to her. According to this guy, she was not his type, he specifically told me she's too dark for his taste and that he prefers fair skinned ladies. There! That's what I told her.
Now, isn't that just awful? His reason and the fact that I spelled it out to her? I should have just kept my mouth shut. I was hurt as much as she was. I'm not fair skinned either, you see. What I should have said to this guy is to f*** off and get lost.
I don't know why we women, have to depend on what guys think about us to make us feel better with ourselves. Stop it!. Just be yourself! We are not supposed to be chosen and picked. We have to do the picking. We have the power to get what, who, when and where we want. Period. On our own terms.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
ONE OF MY VIVID DREAMS - YOUR THOUGHTS & ANALYSIS WELCOME!!
I usually have vivid dreams. This was one of them...
Another girl and I were kidnapped by Russian rebels and we were brought to the mountains. There was a big building in the middle of the forest or wooded area. The building was empty of things and people. We were taken to the highest floor, and I recalled it was in the third floor. They put us and locked us in an empty room. I would looked outside and tried to peek out and see what’s going on outside. I couldn’t remember the girl with me nor recognized her. I saw that they were supposed to be American soldiers outside hiding and waiting for a chance to go in our building. They were supposed to be SWAT team or something like that. I sighed and said a silent prayer of relief, help was on the way. It’s like watching a movie, where I am the starring and at the same time the patron. I told the girl with me who was crying to shut up and that help is on the way. She was very scared and trembling from fright.
One of the Russian guys who abducted us came back to the room and brought us something to eat. He said to us don’t be scared and that they will not harm us. Apparently this Russian guy really liked me and I truly felt his sincerity that he’s not going to harm us. We were kept there for about 2 nights and 2 days with little food or water but we were alive. The Russian guy who took a liking to me was talking a lot and trying to explain what’s going on. He’s trying very hard to show me that he cares for me and truly sorry for the condition we were in. I understood him and told him. Not so much that I truly understood him but somehow to get his sympathy and hoped he will not harm us. I was able to make him talk and we began a kind of understanding. I knew he wouldn’t hurt us especially me.
Then one day, a group of American soldiers burst into our room, trying to rescue us. There were shootings and bullets flying everywhere. One of the rescuers was my husband David, but we didn’t know each other in my dream. He was half dragging me, half carrying me down the steps when I felt a thud in the right side of my neck. I knew I was hit. I was waiting for the pain but nothing came. I felt a warm liquid oozing down my chest, I knew it was my blood but still no pain. I heard the Russian guy shouting out my name and I heard the pain in his voice calling me out. Then I passed out.
Then, I woke up. Sweating and breathing hard. The dream was so vivid like it was so real. I can still feel the heaviness in my neck where I was hit.
March 2008 Quezon City, Philippines
Another girl and I were kidnapped by Russian rebels and we were brought to the mountains. There was a big building in the middle of the forest or wooded area. The building was empty of things and people. We were taken to the highest floor, and I recalled it was in the third floor. They put us and locked us in an empty room. I would looked outside and tried to peek out and see what’s going on outside. I couldn’t remember the girl with me nor recognized her. I saw that they were supposed to be American soldiers outside hiding and waiting for a chance to go in our building. They were supposed to be SWAT team or something like that. I sighed and said a silent prayer of relief, help was on the way. It’s like watching a movie, where I am the starring and at the same time the patron. I told the girl with me who was crying to shut up and that help is on the way. She was very scared and trembling from fright.
One of the Russian guys who abducted us came back to the room and brought us something to eat. He said to us don’t be scared and that they will not harm us. Apparently this Russian guy really liked me and I truly felt his sincerity that he’s not going to harm us. We were kept there for about 2 nights and 2 days with little food or water but we were alive. The Russian guy who took a liking to me was talking a lot and trying to explain what’s going on. He’s trying very hard to show me that he cares for me and truly sorry for the condition we were in. I understood him and told him. Not so much that I truly understood him but somehow to get his sympathy and hoped he will not harm us. I was able to make him talk and we began a kind of understanding. I knew he wouldn’t hurt us especially me.
Then one day, a group of American soldiers burst into our room, trying to rescue us. There were shootings and bullets flying everywhere. One of the rescuers was my husband David, but we didn’t know each other in my dream. He was half dragging me, half carrying me down the steps when I felt a thud in the right side of my neck. I knew I was hit. I was waiting for the pain but nothing came. I felt a warm liquid oozing down my chest, I knew it was my blood but still no pain. I heard the Russian guy shouting out my name and I heard the pain in his voice calling me out. Then I passed out.
Then, I woke up. Sweating and breathing hard. The dream was so vivid like it was so real. I can still feel the heaviness in my neck where I was hit.
March 2008 Quezon City, Philippines
Thursday, February 5, 2009
To live together or not..at age 20!
My 20 year old son told me he's ready to live together with his 20 year old girlfriend. He told me, "She's the one!" ---
I consider my son & I to be really close. For the most part I leave him alone and let him lead his life on his own. He left the house at 18 and said he was ready. I was devastated although I kept it to myself. For the past two years he lived with different sets of friends but I saw he is responsible enough to be on his own. Not that there was anything I can do. He's one those guys that he does whatever he sets his mind to do. He's been working fulltime with decent wage and been attending some classes here and there but nothing concrete. He said he doesn't like college and told me upfront not to bother helping him financially by pushing him get a degree. He's an exceptional student back in elementary years and was tested having an IQ of 140+, thus labeled as gifted, which he resented. Highschool was totally different, he barely made it. Not because of lack of intelligence, mind you, but because of his stubborness and strong affinity to breaking rules, or at least trying to.
Now, at 20, seems like he's ready to "settle down" by living together with his High School sweetheart. They were together in their sophomore years and broke up. Now that he found her again, he doesn't want to lose her again.
I am so fond of this girl that I would like her to be my son's wife someday. Yes, someday...but not yet. So I talked to my son about this. Of course, I had to make it appear like it's really not a big deal to me, otherwise, he will not even listen.
My main argument was that, of course, their age. I told him that I thought they're both too young to really take each other seriously. They're not even legal to drink yet. I mentioned my own mistakes for my past relationships, etc, etc.. I enumerated the realities of two people being together and lose respects and eventually lose their love for each other, no matter how much they adore one another - all because of their immaturity and lack of life's experiences...Heck, even older ones, make the same mistakes. I did!
I went on and on and on. Then I said, because I know him, that I really care for his girl that I feel I have to protect her. Whoah! That got his attention. I don't want this girl to get hurt again. My son is very independent, headstrong, adventurous & loves variety. Need I say more? Oh, yes...he's only 20!
I consider my son & I to be really close. For the most part I leave him alone and let him lead his life on his own. He left the house at 18 and said he was ready. I was devastated although I kept it to myself. For the past two years he lived with different sets of friends but I saw he is responsible enough to be on his own. Not that there was anything I can do. He's one those guys that he does whatever he sets his mind to do. He's been working fulltime with decent wage and been attending some classes here and there but nothing concrete. He said he doesn't like college and told me upfront not to bother helping him financially by pushing him get a degree. He's an exceptional student back in elementary years and was tested having an IQ of 140+, thus labeled as gifted, which he resented. Highschool was totally different, he barely made it. Not because of lack of intelligence, mind you, but because of his stubborness and strong affinity to breaking rules, or at least trying to.
Now, at 20, seems like he's ready to "settle down" by living together with his High School sweetheart. They were together in their sophomore years and broke up. Now that he found her again, he doesn't want to lose her again.
I am so fond of this girl that I would like her to be my son's wife someday. Yes, someday...but not yet. So I talked to my son about this. Of course, I had to make it appear like it's really not a big deal to me, otherwise, he will not even listen.
My main argument was that, of course, their age. I told him that I thought they're both too young to really take each other seriously. They're not even legal to drink yet. I mentioned my own mistakes for my past relationships, etc, etc.. I enumerated the realities of two people being together and lose respects and eventually lose their love for each other, no matter how much they adore one another - all because of their immaturity and lack of life's experiences...Heck, even older ones, make the same mistakes. I did!
I went on and on and on. Then I said, because I know him, that I really care for his girl that I feel I have to protect her. Whoah! That got his attention. I don't want this girl to get hurt again. My son is very independent, headstrong, adventurous & loves variety. Need I say more? Oh, yes...he's only 20!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Feelings
A feeling of sadness is coming over me...I feel like crying right at this minute, so I decided to write it down. Hoping I could find some relief from pouring my sentiments.
You see, I'm leaving for US tomorrow night, not a permanent thing, but still. I'm leaving behind my husband, my families, old and new friends. Like I said, just for few months, but I know I'm going to miss them tremendously.
But since this blog is supposed to be for positive posts only, let me change that into a more useful way.
First of all, let me address why I'm leaving for US...I'm leaving so I can work as a Clinical Lab Scientist which is already lined up - so I can save some money for helping out my son, to attend an NLP class, and to set up my practice back here in the Philippines. It is very imperative that I will be able to do all the above. And that I am grateful to have the opportunity to make the money necessary to do these things. I am so grateful, especially in these times. I am grateful most of all, that I have found my life's purpose, my life's dream and I can make them all come true with just a little sacrifice. When I come back, there'll be a lot of changes - good changes - for the good of everyone. So, with that purpose in mind, I will set forth and do what I must do.
There I feel better already...
You see, I'm leaving for US tomorrow night, not a permanent thing, but still. I'm leaving behind my husband, my families, old and new friends. Like I said, just for few months, but I know I'm going to miss them tremendously.
But since this blog is supposed to be for positive posts only, let me change that into a more useful way.
First of all, let me address why I'm leaving for US...I'm leaving so I can work as a Clinical Lab Scientist which is already lined up - so I can save some money for helping out my son, to attend an NLP class, and to set up my practice back here in the Philippines. It is very imperative that I will be able to do all the above. And that I am grateful to have the opportunity to make the money necessary to do these things. I am so grateful, especially in these times. I am grateful most of all, that I have found my life's purpose, my life's dream and I can make them all come true with just a little sacrifice. When I come back, there'll be a lot of changes - good changes - for the good of everyone. So, with that purpose in mind, I will set forth and do what I must do.
There I feel better already...
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