CHRISTMASES OF MY LIFE!

CHRISTMASES OF MY LIFE!
It was as I thought it would be! I thought we would have a very nice Christmas this year. My very first Christmas back home - here in the Philippines - after so many years. Sure, I’ve had Christmas vacations here before but not like this - in my own house as an adult.

The Christmases of my childhood was great. Christmas of 1975 was the best. We had a new refrigerator, black & white TV, and a green plastic Christmas tree (years before it was those tin ones, silver and small) and lots of presents under the trees. My sis Sol & I had matching dresses and white booties. I thought we were rich! And we were, in our neighborhood in Sampaloc - so to speak!
Christmas of 1981 - finally there were four of us sisters. I knew that was it. No more siblings for us to come. Our youngest, Bea was born few months earlier. I was 15 and senior in HS. Life was good!

Christmas of 1983 was one of the sweetest. I was 17! I remember baking a cake for the first in my life and it turned out be a big “cookie” instead.
Christmas of 1988 was my most blessed Christmas! My first Christmas with my son Bryan, who was only four months old at that time. It was not the best circumstance for both of us, as I was an unmarried mom then. But I felt so blessed because I was so happy being a mom.

The last Christmas I had in the Philippines (living here) was in 1989. Wow! So long ago…Then my maternal grandmother, Mamay, was still alive. She passed away in January 1990, few months before I went to USA with my son Bryan. After that Christmas, things were not the same anymore.
Whenever I hear Christmas songs after that one, I feel so depressed and hollow inside instead. I opted not to listen to them anymore. I would often cry and feel so all alone.

Christmas of 1990 was the coldest Christmas I’ve ever had - literally & figuratively. That was my first Christmas without my parents, sisters, friends, relatives & loved ones. My very first Christmas away from home. My very first Christmas in the US - Iowa, USA to be exact. The weather was minus 26 degrees. We were renting a hundred year old house with no heater in the bedrooms upstairs. God! It was so cold…

Christmas of 1994 was better, it was my Mama’s first Christmas in US. We were residing in Texas at that time. So weatherwise, it was much better also.
Christmas 1999 was different. I was single again. Just got divorced earlier that year. Just moved to California. I could say it was the most liberating Christmas of my life.

Christmas 2000 was the last Christmas we would all be together. That was Mama’s last Christmas in the Philippines and of this world.

Christmas 2001 was the worst Christmas of my life. The first Christmas without my mother. I fully remember what we did that year. Because I didn’t want to celebrate Christmas, I begged David to forget Christmas that year - it was our first Christmas as married couple. But the pain in my heart was so deep for missing Mama so much. So we went out of town - Santa Cruz, CA - Bryan, my mom-in-law, David & I and stayed in a local hotel. I didn’t want to be home and be reminded of Mama, or the lack of her.

After many years of these different kind of Christmases, I’m back home in the Philippines. And I have to thank my husband David for making this possible. I never thought I would be back residing in the Philippines again. Although it was not the same Christmas I had when I was younger, in so many ways it is better.