My Mama's Box

Found a box that belonged to my Mama. She passed away in 2001 and until now I can't make myself open and look closely on what's on that box. Just seeing her handwriting makes me cry all over again. I don't know when will I be ready or if I will ever be ready. For now, I took a peek and put the lid back on again. It is a special box and even without looking inside it, I'll always know it was hers. Just after she passed away I gather those special little things that was hers and put in that box. I wrapped the brown box with rose-printed gift wrapping paper. Someday, I hope, instead of crying and feeling sad looking at her things, I'll feel instead that she is near me again and filling the void that she left in my heart.

Quote by Vincent van Gogh

      “There may be a time in life when one is tired of everything and feels as if all one does is wrong, and there maybe some truth in it- do you think this is a feeling one must try to forget and to banish, or is it 'the longing for God,' which one must not fear, but cherish to see if it may bring us some good? Is it 'the longing for God' which leads us to make a choice which we never regret? Let us keep courage and try to be patient and gentle. And not mind being eccentric, and make distinction between good and evil.”   ~ Vincent van Gogh quotes (Dutch Painter, one of the greatest of the Post-Impressionists, 1853-1890)

Pain

Pain, pain go away don't come back any other day! I was hibernating from you, pain and here you are haunting me again. My nights were quiet slumbering softly smiling sweetly to everyone but me. Here you stay? Please go away if not, Please comfort me love me all the way!

ALMOST

Someone asked my age the other day and without a pause I answered. Then it hit me. OMG! I'm old. I don't want to offend anybody about age and all that. Coz I know 46 isn't really old. But, geez! I am old. Seems like only yesterday when I just had my first menstrual period. And I thought ly life was over then. I was 12. Suddenly I'm no longer allowed to go out wearing shorts. I have to be home before dark. I was not allowed to play with boys anymore. Thank God, my BFF back then was gay. LOL!! (He's still my BFF.) Then, those days in Highschool - how can one forget? My first crush in Freshman year. Yeah, that one was so nice to me, only because he was in love with my close friend that year. And they ended up together for many years. Sophomre year was so boring. I was in a pilot section and yes, I was one of the geeks. LOL!! Junior year was the best for me. That was the year I learned how to put an eyeliner and lipstick. Started raiding bookstores and sidewalk vendors for posters of my celebrity crushes, like Shaun Cassidy. Leif garret was nice looking, too, but I loved dark-haired men. The Senior year was a mixed feeling for me. I was the class president only because there were more girls in our class who voted for me. Obviously the other contender was a boy. Everyone voted for our VP, Secretary, Treasurer, Sgt-at-arm, Class Muse and her Escort. I had a huge crush on our Escort, of course because he was so good looking! But he never paid any attention to me, fortunately not to any other girls in our class, too. Or so I thought! Or so he said. College came. I really had to be serious with my studies. I was going to be a Medical Doctor. That was the plan, at least. I was taking BS Medical Technology for a pre-med. Graduated the course but that was it. Never went to Medical School for countless reasons. Started working right away. Had my son when I was 22. Immigrated to USA almost 2 years after that. Then, everything was fast-forward! Or so it seems. So many things happened, and yet seems like nothing registered in my mind. And now.. I'm almost 50! Well, almost!