Patience..or the lack of it!

When God bestowed patience on earth it seems I was absent. They said patience is a virtue, then I don't have that virtue. I'm not talking about patience to a child, or patience where it is needed. I went to school and had a degree and went through a rigorous training and all that. I'm talking about patience on becoming happy. I have been so patiently waiting to be happy - until now at 44, it hasn't come. I am not an unhappy person, it's quite the contrary. I am known by family and friends as a very happy, cheerful, positive human being.. if they only knew. Deep inside I'm craving for that true contentment of having someone who totally loves me unconditionally, and thinks the world of me.. maybe it's not my destiny..
I have given and given and usually doesn't get anything in return... and to the world I am not complaining..I complain here in my blog, and very few people among my friends knew this exists..And I prefer that way.. if I can change someone's perspective and help out someone from my lessons in life and journey, that would be enough for me. I don't want pity or anyone patronizing me. I say what's in my mind and I feel free to say anything I want in this blog..that for a moment I feel connected - to no one in particular..and to everyone.. somehow.

Broken

I'm starting to believe that I am to live by myself for the rest of my life - that I belong to no one and yet I belong to everyone.. I have to focus on helping others through this Empowering Workshop I am formulating. I need no one to do this. And yet deep in my heart I am wishing there's someone who can hold my hand and help me guide through this. I have to be strong and learn not to rely on anyone.

Two broken marriages in 18 years - series of broken hearts, broken hopes and broken dreams... I just want a happy ending..maybe not of this world, then...