About two weeks ago, my 21 year old son, Bryan, and his girlfriend Brittany, announced that I'm going to be a grandma. I was so happy! It didn't matter that they're not married yet. A baby doesn't mean, they have to get married, well, at least in my book. They have a very happy, healthy relationship and I agree with them that they can wait. It was not a planned pregnancy but it doesn't matter. I am so excited.
I've been wanting to have a baby since after Bryan was born. I've always thought that I will have more than one child. I had him when I was only 22. It wasn't a planned one either. Shortly after I had him, his father and I split up. We were never married. I got married at 24 and planned to have more children. But few years into that marriage, my husband then said, he never planned to have any more. Gee, thanks for telling me that now. I was devastated. I cried many nights for that "loss". Although, I also raised a wonderful stepdaughter, I have always desired to have my "own" daughter. A daughter that I don't have to share with another mother. But that was the argument, we already had two children. Why would I want more, he said. That marriage ended when I was 33. I felt cheated. I was cheated.
Two years later, I got remarried. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make. To marry a wonderful person whom I love but cannot have more children. He had an unreversible vasectomy earlier in his own first marriage. I wanted, or needed was more like it, to have more children so bad, but I put that need aside. That need never went away. It even became a reason to wanting to end that marriage and find another man who can give me a child. It was an ache in my heart..a deep yearning, even until now, in my 40's.
So when my son told me, I'm going to be a grandma soon, I was ecstatic! Truly excited. Miraculously, my yearning to have another child disappeared. I cannot wait for my grandchild. I already told my son and Brittany, that I will be spoiling that child. That, it is not going to be my job to discipline him/her. Why? It would be more fun to give him/her all the sugars he/she wants, then send him/her home. Right? You betcha!
I have decided I will be called Grandmama!
